New Heart = New Beginnings

I started this site after Lauren had her heart transplant and we were home.  I thought the title was appropriate.  New Heart is self explanatory, but New Beginnings takes on it’s own meaning.  I never knew what life had in store for us.  All I knew was we had a new beginning in life.

It has been a little over two years since Lauren received her new heart.  Medically Lauren is doing fantastic.  We have had a couple of bumps in the road, but Lauren being Lauren, she has tackled the obstacles and is moving forward in life.  I am so proud of the strength she has and is an inspiration to me and anyone she comes in contact with.  Lauren is now very active in the American Heart Go Red For Women Association and also Donate Life Organization.  Going out with friends, going to the gym, just living life.

In my next post I have some very exciting news about what Lauren has been up to …….

In the past two years, New Beginnings has had it’s ups and downs.   When Lauren was in the hospital, as a parent you experienced and have seen things a parent should never have to go through, but when you don’t have a choice, you just do what you need to do.

For the past couple of years, this is what I would see in my mind:

I was always afraid something would happen and we would end up back in the hospital.  Always afraid the heart would reject, then having to start the process all over again.  Hearing the sounds of the machines, nurses in the room all the time, sleeping on whatever is available.  A part of me always lived in fear, for my daughter and myself.  Not to mention, my husband who would travel every weekend to be with us.

At the beginning, those feeling are so understandable.   When a parent see’s their child in this condition, words cannot describe an emotion you feel.  You just pray that this nightmare will be over soon and the two of you will be walking out the hospital doors soon.

Well, it’s been two years now and I can honestly say this vision is finally fading away.  Yes it took little over two years for me to believe that, that is our past.

I am writing this to release feeling that I have been harboring within me.  You can say this is my release of memories that have given me nightmare, anxiety and the past.  I need to put the past in the past and life for the future.

To all my friends that I have pushed aside, I am sorry.  My breaking point was when Dean, Lauren and I took a trip to Florida for my sister’s birthday.  My mother was there and I can say we got into a conversation about Lauren and how I have been feeling and acting.  She told me I probably need counseling, to help me.  I got upset and said I didn’t.  Well, after that conversation, I did a lot of soul searching and my mother was right.  I didn’t get counseling, I thought long and hard about how I have been acting.  I had to realize Lauren was OK.  She wasn’t going to be rushed to the hospital.  Lauren is 25 years old and she doesn’t need her mother worrying all the time about her.  Lauren needs to be 25.

Since realizing Lauren is OK, I have been able to think about my life.  I need to reconnect to friends I haven spoken with in quite a while.  Need to focus on my husband more.  Lauren is 25, so my husband and I can start doing more things together as a couple.

With this say, Lynne is moving forward, thanks mom for opening my eyes